Fitzgerald, The Lime

Take a sip. Write another line. Reach across the table. Grab the cigar. Chew the end. Scratch that. Add some lime. Perfect. Write goddamnit, that was a brilliant idea. Cough abruptly. What was that word, again? Rustle hair. Take another sip. Genius. Sigh tentatively. Roll tongue along chalky teeth. Write paragraph. Wait, that’s not rig— …erase last two sentences. Don’t sip. Swig. Stars. Lightning. Roller coaster. Yes, add that.  They’ll never know it was about her. Metaphor. Light the damn cigar already, it’s crumbling. Smoke. Fire. What time is it? Doesn’t matter. Think. Write. Finish it off. Refill. More lime this time. Drink. Spectacular. Who is this about, again? Pause. Puff. Procrastinate. No. No! This isn’t right. Reread. Read aloud. Read it again. Scream. Yell. What is this shit? She isn’t even there anymore. Take another swig. Recant. Deny. Tears emerge. Why? This isn’t nonfiction. This isn’t life. Erase. Expunge. Destroy. Salvage your residence. Preserve the idea. What color? Yellow. Always yellow. No, green! They don’t understand. They’ll never understand. Drink. Drink until it’s gone. It needs to be completed. Finish it. Fuzzy. I’m covered in hair. Distain. Is there a draft in here? Close the windows. All the windows. Refocus. Write. I said write you fucking prick! Brilliance. Bottom of the glass. Use the light. Yes! Talk about the light! Warmth. Bubbles. Are you still here? Did you just personify a blade of grass? Jesus man. Pour. Fuck the limes. They don’t need to hear it. Tragedy. Catch it. Find the remorse. Let it eat at you. Feel the pain. Translate. Change it into words. Let them know. They can’t hear, so let them see. Slumber. Just want to rest. Sleep. Not yet. Drink it. Do it now. Quickly, before they know. You have to finish. Write! Tell them. Wait, no. Show them! There’s so much more to it. Darkness. It’s coming. It’s creeping. Feel it. Don’t forget about the light! It’s there, just over there. It’s almost within reach. One more drink. One more. I can reach it. Wait. No! Don’t fall. Cannot. It’s so close! Look at it – it’s almost done. No. It’s not done. It can’t be done. Conclusions. There’s always conclusions. It can never be done, not yet. I haven’t finished. Must rest. Doze. Soften. The light. Where is it? I’ll never finish. Who is she? Obsessive. Overbearing. Sour.

Damn that lime.