Don't Date A Guy That Takes Pictures

Date a guy who never takes pictures. Find him in a crowded bar or in the restless scuffle of a cafe. Stumble into him in a romantic manner, locking eyes from across the room with a smile. Introduce each other with meaningless words that spark an interest, feeling the unexpected pull of trivial similarities. Embrace his grin. Talk until the roar of the crowd fades with every anxious laugh. Smile, relate. Fall into the common paralleled connection you share. Look him in the eyes and embrace his personality – and that sheepish grin. Enjoy this connection. Allow him to pay for your drinks and meal. Leave with hopes of meeting again. He extends that invitation. Grasp it after minimal thought.

Take him back to your place to hang out. Talk. Awkwardly bump him in the hopes to get the physical connection you’ve been waiting for. Kiss. Take him to your bedroom. Turn off the lights and self-consciously undress. Anxiously comment on this“embarrassment”. Allow him to falsely comfort and reassure you. Make love.

Meet him every day you can for the weeks and months following. Maintain the cherished connection that has grown between you both. Build it into a relationship. Fall in love. Ask him to do things with your friends. Have him meet your family. Embrace him as an integral part of your life, something you can’t live without. Move in together. Latch onto his uncomfortably narrow personality. Make him a better person - Change him.

Constantly bring up the thought of marriage. Hope for it. Act surprised when he proposes at a fancy restaurant, because you’ve seen it in the movies. Marvel at the size and beauty of the ring. Cry with joy in front of all the people while hugging and kissing him. Believe you are the happiest you will ever be. Get married. Let the years pass and the resonating connection you’ve shared fade. Become intertwined with routine. Have kids. Grow old.  But all the while, make sure you always see his sheepish grin. Recall the memories you’ve made – without any pictures. Recount the stories and get lost in the imagination of memory. Make sure his grin remains as you transcend. Wish you could have made more memories.

Do all of this - because nothing fucking sucks as much as dating a guy who takes pictures. Do it, since anything is better than the constant looming feeling during an argument when you know you’re wrong. Do it because a guy that takes pictures possesses the knowledge of perspective. He understands that there is innate and renowned beauty in the world, much of it hidden from society. A guy that takes pictures understands the rule of thirds.He has the ability to notice that this image of the world is not planar. That he should position the most important elements of his scene along the lines and points of intersection along his worldly sphere.

Do it, because the guy that takes pictures realizes the significance of depth and framing.  He knows that there is more to life than the small scene contained within the picture’s framework. He knows that he alone has the power to include what he’d like in the frame - or exclude. A guy that takes pictures appreciates the textures and contrasts of the planet. He has taught himself to see past the lighted areas of the foreground and indulge in the shadows the light has created.  He enjoys the experience of positive and negative reciprocals – the good and bad in life. He accepts them. He grips the concept tightly that not everything is going to go according to plan; that everything is circular and retroactive in nature.

Date a guy that doesn’t take pictures because the guy that does will radiate the importance of line. He will argue and rant that lines have the power to draw the eye to key focal points in a shot and impact the‘feel’ of an image greatly. The lines in his life are guided by free and creative thought; a multitude of interests - nothing that remains stagnant. Don’t date a guy that takes pictures, because his camera and hardware will be his only true love. He will obsess with the qualities in his control and will always strive for compulsive change and betterment. He gives himself an overbearing amount of credit and confidence for his work, almost sickeningly.

But above all, don’t date a guy that takes pictures because cropping and experimentation are his foundation.  He will never be content with complacency and will always try new and unusual things. He crops the tight ends of his worldly views to eliminate clutter and noise that, instead, will make the subject his focal point. Most of all, he will accept nothing less than passion, perfection, and a life worthy of being storied in photography.

 Don’t date a guy that takes pictures – chances are, you’ll end up in the unfocused background.

M.H.